Why Turn the Other Cheek?

The other day I was talking with one of my dear friends.  She told me about something that had happened during the day.  Someone had said something that hurt.  It hurt her and it would have hurt me if I were in her shoes that day.  I empathized with her.  I wanted so badly to say something like "Let it Go," because my family just laughs after saying "Let it Go" because of the movie Frozen or "Shake It Off," because members of her family are fans of Taylor Swift.  But, something stopped me and instead, I said, "Give it to The Lord.  She just doesn't understand."  And then today, while I was wiping down the table after lunch, it hit me.

Years ago, when I was much, much younger, I always thought that turning the other cheek meant that you were allowing the offender to continue doing what they were doing.  Many people think it's a weak thing to do.  Matthew 6:38 - 39 says, "You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person.  If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also." So, not really understanding it, I tried to live it.  Verses 40 - 42 continue with, "And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well.  If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.  Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you."  At first read it sounds like we should let them continue with their bad behavior, right?  Not quite.

In Luke 23:34, after Jesus had already been beaten and made to carry his cross to the place called the Skull, it says, "Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.'  And they divided up his clothes by casting lots."  He was asking for forgiveness for those who were crucifying Him.  But I think this is about more than just forgiveness.

In Romans 3:21 - 26 we find, "But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify.  This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe.  There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.  God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.  He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished -- he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus."  Did you catch that?  Grace.

In James 4, verses 1 - 6 talks about what causes fights and quarrels.  And then we come to verse 6, "But he gives us more grace.  That is why Scripture says:  'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.'"

Here's what I think now.  Jesus set the example. Turning the other cheek is not a weak thing to do.  It's humbling.  When we can turn the other cheek, bring our burden to God and forgive the other person, we humble ourselves and then we open ourselves up to receiving God's grace and then we are able to extend that grace to the one who hurt us.  It's all about God's grace.

What Does Grace Look Like? (A Little Marshmallow Philosophy)

We have had the privilege to introduce friends and family to new food experiences here at our house.  The short list is: grilled cheese sandwiches, taco salad, pumpkin donuts, pumpkin pancakes, s'mores, and there have been more that I can't remember.  Last night we fired up the fire pit for s'mores and invited friends of our two oldest children, who happen to also be brother and sister.  The discussion got to how to make the perfect roasted marshmallow for the s'more.  One of our girls had left with her grandparents the day before, so that left the other two younger girls explaining to their older sibling's friends how to roast the marshmallow, each of them insisting that their way was best.  In an attempt to keep it from escalating into I'm right and you're wrong, I started to explain that there is no wrong way and no right way to roast a marshmallow (aside from putting the marshmallow on the pointed end of the stick and not the other end).  Everyone has their own opinion of what makes a perfect roasted marshmallow and how to make it.  Some people prefer a lightly toasted, golden brown exterior.  Some people would rather have the end near the fire toasty and the other end not toasted.  Some people prefer a small kiss of flame to blacken the marshmallow, while still others prefer a large kiss of flame to engulf and blacken the marshmallow.  And then there are different ways of roasting.  Keeping the marshmallow ever so gently rotating over hot coals, placing the marshmallow over the coals and turning every couple of seconds or sticking it right into a flame.  And yet there could be even more ways of roasting.  And none of them are right or wrong, because everyone is entitled to their own opinion of what is a good s'more, based on their own preference of taste and their experiences. By the time I finished explaining this, my son's 12-year-old buddy said, "Wow!  Just a little bit of marshmallow philosophy there, huh?"  To which I got a good chuckle and said, "yes, that could apply to many things in life!"  He was the one that Steve had to point out the correct end of the stick to put the marshmallow on after putting it on the wrong end!  (Snicker)  Ha, ha, ha!

So what does this have to do with grace?  I'll get to that, but first, what is grace?  Well among the many definitions, my copy of Webster's New World Dictionary gives this definition:  To bring honor to; dignify.  So, what does dignify mean?  A few pages over in the dictionary, it states: to give dignity to; make worthy of esteem; honor, exalt or ennoble.  Dignity means: proper pride and self-respect.  So then, to treat someone with grace means to bring dignity to them.  Hmmm.  So, what does this mean and what does this look like?  Bear with me as I share my observations and reflections on this.

Life is a journey and we all have different experiences, which means we all have a different journey.  We are all individuals.  Just like those marshmallows, our experiences shape us and our thoughts and opinions.  I don't think it is possible for anyone to have an identical journey to someone else.  Not even a spouse or children.  Think about it.  We all have different childhoods. We all have different learning styles.  We all relate to people in different ways.  We may walk along through life together, but we are different people.  We all have different preferences in how we do things or accomplish things. 

There are people that think that they know better and freely give out "advice", whether it's wanted or not.  It comes from strangers as well as people you know.  Some people tell you how to raise your children.  Some people tell you where to send your children to school or how to homeschool (despite not having experienced homeschooling themselves).  Some people tell you how or what to feed your children/family.  Some people even tell you how to discipline your children.  Some people discount your feelings.  Some people tell you what activities your children should be in. There are so many different scenarios.  Many of these people don't see you in your day-to-day life, but feel very comfortable doling out their suggestions of how you should do it.  And some of this could have been meant for good, to be helpful, but ends up being hurtful.

And then there are people who come alongside you and say that yes, your feelings are valid.  Yes, this journey of yours has been challenging and I don't know how you've managed.  I'm grateful to be on this journey with you, because watching how you've chosen to handle things has been a blessing to me.  Sometimes there are no simple answers.  These people don't so much tell you what to do, but support you in trying to figure out what is a good thing or the right thing for your particular situation.  And that, is what I think grace is. 

Grace brings dignity.  Grace acknowledges that every one's situation is different.  Grace acknowledges that there just may be a different way to handle a situation, just as well.  Grace allows a person to make their own decisions based on their situation or circumstance.  Grace recognizes that sometimes some things need to take a higher priority than others for a while.  Grace allows a person's God given free will.  Grace accepts a person for who they are and what their journey is teaching them.  Grace allows a person to discover their journey and become who they were created to become.  Grace brings dignity, a proper pride and self-respect.  Grace recognizes a person as an individual who is worthy.  What about you?  What does grace mean to you?

Back to the marshmallows, did I have a perfect s'more that night?  Yes, I believe I did.  My second and last s'more marshmallow was toasted perfectly for me that night.  It was nicely golden brown on the outside, eased off the stick and was a nice element of gooeyness, that when it was pressed between the chocolate and graham cracker, cracked just so to let the goo ooze in just the right way to have a perfect combination of crunch and goo.