Wednesday, July 18, 2012

I See The Light at the End of the Tunnel - So to Speak - Part 2 of 2

When I set up this blog, I had not intended on quoting scripture, because it wasn't the purpose of this blog. But I am going to here, because it is the basis, as well as the why, of this particular post series.

When our pediatrician told me he wanted my daughter checked for Marfan's, I was nervous and admittedly a little afraid. If she did indeed have Marfan's, what were we going to do? How were we going to handle it? I knew that God was in control, and wouldn't give me more than I could handle, but I wasn't quite ready to let go. How was I going to manage multiple medical appointments for one child, when I had five, and then with a sixth on the way? How was Steve going to handle the stress with the finances?

I didn't have much confidence in myself, because there are people who've questioned my capability of being a mother to my children. Yes, I've actually had people tell me that I can't be a parent (I'm not a single parent, mind you) without help, that there were many things I couldn't do, as a mother, without help. But, on this journey, I've learned that, that is not entirely true. I've tried to please other people before, but the thing is, I can't and I shouldn't. That's not what I was created for.   There is One that can help me and gives me strength. There is One that I should strive to look to for my help and that One should be first in my life. My husband should come next and then my children. Other people should come after them. Things get messed up when those priorities aren't in order.

This leads me to the scriptures I want to share that are supporting me in this awareness.

"I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth."  Psalm 121:1-2 NIV
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10 NIV

"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13 NIV

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:25-34 NIV

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13 NIV

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7 NIV

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." James 1:2-5 NIV

"But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere."  James 3:17 NIV
Now what have I learned? I don't know if this was the purpose, but this is what I am learning from this. I am capable of being the mother that my children need. I am capable of managing their needs. How? I have a husband who is my partner in this journey. I'm nearly positive, that no one can say that they have had the same journey and experiences as I have. The only one who can come close to saying that, is my husband. But, we still have had separate experiences through this. He isn't home during the weekdays to help me manage this. But, he supports me. And the times that I have needed him to make some arrangements to work from home, so that I could manage an appointment that I couldn't take everyone to, he did that. He doesn't see everything that happens during the days, but he tries to listen to me and understand my days. He tries to help me sort out things that I'm having difficulty with. Why? Because that is what our relationship is suppose to do. We are a team. And I think, that considering what the past year and a half have been like, we've done a pretty good job on our own. We've proven to ourselves that we can do what we need to do for our family. Our priorities may not be the same as other people's, but this is our family and we are taking care of what we feel are the top priorities for this family.

I have been incredibly fortunate to have a few people who've been Grace to me during this time.  They have listened to me without telling me what to do.  They've given me a chance to think it through and sort it out, as to what is the right thing for me to do for my family.  They've been a shoulder to lean on.  They've walked next to me and encouraged me in my journey.

I feel like God allowed a lot of things that I couldn't control, to happen so that He could show me His faithfulness, that He would supply my and my family's needs.  I learned that when I humble myself before him, drop the prideful feeling that I can do it on my own strength, He took care of the details. He supplied what we needed, physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially. It felt like we were living through storm after storm or on a rollercoaster ride that kept looping itself without stopping. This particular ride is slowing down, but as odd as it may sound, I am grateful for it. Because I learned much from it and have grown from it. I'm not the same person I was two years ago. I am in a better place.

Some things that had once been a priority needed to drop further down the "list" temporarily, while we dealt with the things that needed to be a higher priority. Now that life is getting back to some sort of normalcy, the priorities are being re-evaluated. I learned that life operated more smoothly when we had daily routines in place. We had gotten away from them and I am in the process of working on a new routine or daily schedule. It is possible that that may become a future post.  Oldest may still need to see the specialists for a few more years, but we should be able to handle that, especially as I work on maintaining better rountines and a better calendar.

Like I mentioned at the beginning of this part, quoting scripture isn't the purpose of this blog. But, if I feel led to in the future, and if it has any relation to the subject of the post, I probably will at that point. I still need to finish re-reading Mockingjay so that I can post my thoughts on that book.

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